Sunday, July 31, 2011

I'm just an old fashioned kind of guy

I don't think "new" is necessarily the same as "improved". 

I don't want "creepy" or "edgy" elves. I want Tolkienesque elves. I don't want comic relief dwarves or gnomes; I want them to be master craftsmen and effective warriors. And one "sexy shoeless god of war" takes up the entire quota for such things in regards to halflings.

I'm not interested in "shared narrative frameworks". I'm the GM, you're the players. You're in my world now. Deal.

I don't want to play a half-dragon mage-sworddancer. And you can't play one in my game, either. If I play a half-elf fighter/mage, that's as far as my envelope goes, and I'm happy that way.

I don't need special class abilities, or skills, or feats, or whatever to play the character I want to play. I just need to take one of the core archetypical classes and role-play. I can play a human fighter five different times in a row, and each time he'll be a unique and fun character to play.

I don't want a bunch of rules, tables, and graphs to determine the inner emotional turmoil and levels of angst and to chart the emotional journey of my character as he contemplates the existential futility of existence from a neo-Jungian perspective in Emspace. If that's something I want to explore, I'll do it the old fashioned way. By role-playing. But don't count on it.

The only time I want pdfs is when I absolutely cannot get a hard copy for love or money. And then I'm going to print it out and put it in a binder.

I do not want to play any game that requires or even "strongly recommends" I have a laptop or an iPad at the gaming table. I like books. Real books. And dice. Real dice. My Dragonbone is an exception to this rule, but it doesn't replace my dice, it only supplements them.

I don't need anything crazier than platonic solid dice. A d30 is pushing it.

I don't like huge bulky armor in fantasy illustrations that looks like someone walking around in a mobile iron lung. I like illustrations that are more realistic, with historically accurate armor and weapons.

I don't mind a little cheesecake in fantasy illustrations. Does that make me a sexist pig? I really don't care. I also use "he" as a gender-neutral pronoun. So there.

I don't like excessive gore in fantasy illustrations. I don't need to see someone's eye being impaled with a dagger (complete with vitreous humor squirting out), or bloated demons giving birth, or children being sacrificed to an evil god.

But that's just me. You might feel the opposite about some of those things, or all of those things, and that's just fine.