Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Wandering Monsters

Sung to the tune of "Interjections", from the old School House Rock songs, and inspired by this thread over at Rather Gamey. Those of you who don't remember the song, or didn't grow up in the U.S. in the 1970's and 1980's, might want to listen to the original song at the bottom of the post first.

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Wandering Monsters
by Joseph Bloch
(To the tune of "Interjections" by Lynn Ahrens)

The party wouldn't leave level two, uh-huh-huh
The DM knew just what to do-hoo
What came down the hall were
Some carrion crawlers
When the dice said there would be a wand’ring monster…

Hey! They’re tough!
Damn! I’m hit!
Jeeze! It’s not fair sending 6th level monsters at us up here!

Wand’ring monsters (Hey!) mix the game up (Damn!) keep it moving (Jeeze!)
They’re generally monsters that don’t fit into the regular dungeon key
Or nearby monsters when the dungeon is too small…

A ranger beat a ghoul in the woods, uh-huh-huh
His friends were fighting over grave go-ods
The raucous commotion
Put ghasts into motion
When the dice said there would be a wand’ring monster…

Ack! There’s more of them!
Wait! They seem to have more hit dice than before.
Ugh! What’s that smell?

Wand’ring monsters (Ack!) mix the game up (Wait!) keep it moving (Ugh!)
They’re generally monsters that don’t fit into the regular dungeon key
Or nearby monsters when the dungeon is too small…

So when the game’s lagging (Damn!) or slow (Jeeze!)
You’re squabbling (Ack!) or loud (Ugh!)
Fate says (Aw!) or whim (Frack!)
A wand’ring monster’s sure to start a fight!

The troupe came to the end of the quest, uh-huh-huh
The lich found he was second be-est
The magical fighting
Drew demons like lightning
When the dice said there would be a wand’ring monster…

Aw! We cleared out that room already!
Frack! Anyone have any healing potions?
Lookout! That one has an ebon skull-tipped wand!

Wand’ring monsters (Aw!) mix the game up (Frack!) keep it moving (Lookout!)
They’re generally monsters that don’t fit into the regular dungeon key
Or nearby monsters when the dungeon is too small…

So when the game’s lagging (Damn!) or slow (Jeeze!)
You’re squabbling (Ack!) or loud (Ugh!)
Fate says (Aw!) or whim (Frack!)
A wand’ring monster’s sure to start a fight!

Wand’ring monsters (Damn!) mix the game up (Damn!) keep it moving (Damn!)
They’re generally monsters that don’t fit into the regular dungeon key
Or nearby monsters when the dungeon is too small…

Wand’ring monsters mix the game up keep it moving
Tee Pee Kay now, Tee Pee Kay now, Tee Pee Kaaaaaaaaaaay… YEA!

Darn! I’m at zero h.p.

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The original:


Poll Results

So last week I asked a question; "Do you currently play an 'old school' RPG?" with the definition of what constitutes an old school RPG left to the individual responders. Before I take down the poll, I thought I'd repost the results and offer a wee bit of commentary.

There were 226 votes, with the poll lasting one week. Not too shabby. The answers were as follows (respondents were allowed to choose more than one answer):

No: 44 (19%)
Yes, I am a player in a face-to-face game: 69 (30%)
Yes, I GM a face-to-face game: 125 (55%)
Yes, I am a player in an online game: 25 (11%)
Yes, I GM an online game: 18 (7%)
Other: 7 (3%)

The poll was originally set up to put the lie to the assertion that people in the OSR just talk about games, rather than actually rolling dice. It is a self-selected sample, of course, but I think the question is solved to my personal satisfaction, pending some other, better, source. 81% of the respondents play in some capacity.

I personally find the preponderance of GMs (as opposed to players) interesting, and I mentioned this in the original comments. 62% of the respondents were game masters. Does this mean that more GMs frequent my blog in particular, or OSR blogs in general? It's possible, as blogs like this tend to be written by, and thus have more to offer, game masters.

I am gratified at the number of face-to-face games happening. Fully 85% of the respondents either GM or play in a face-to-face game (or both). Being an old-fashioned coot, I think that's the best way to play, and it seems like most of my readers agree.